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Waiting for Gordo

It’s National Vegetarian Week. Are vegetarians mad?

Published on June 1st 2009.

Waiting for Gordo
The Results..
Yes: - 49%
No: - 51%

A country road. A tree. Evening.

A I don’t know how you can live without meat. It’s lush, juicy and bloody (geddit) good.

B Very funny. I don’t know how you can kill millions and millions of animals in all that blood and pain when there are alternatives to meat that are just as nutritious.

A I have a report from an eminent doctor which says that without meat in your diet, you are low in proteins and your brain doesn’t work so quickly.

B I have a report from an eminent doctor which says that without meat in our diets we are free of all the fat and salts that come with them, that we are mentally more agile.

A Yeah but you’re always tired and have low energy levels.

B What do you mean?

A Well you’re even following my statements all the time here.

B Well, here’s me leading. There are considerable benefits to being a vegetarian both in terms of physical well-being and morality too.

A So you’re a vegetarian on principle then?

B thinks about it.

B Principle, and also aesthetically. Meat in all its raw, visceral, gore makes me retch.

A What like ribs, loin, shoulder?

B Liver, kidneys, heart, tongue, brain, bone marrow....you suck the marrow from bones!

A Yum. Sweetmeats, sweetbreads, glands galore, cow heel, tripe, maw?

B You’re making me sick.

A I always think vegetarians are hippies, is that true? Of course I mean those who don’t have religious objections to meat-eating.

B I’m not a hippy. I suppose you could say that many vegetarians share a world view that would include sustainable economies, green politics, recycling and the like but that, by no means, is always the case.

Happy cows perform the joyous 'eat me' dance

A You should agree with sucking bone marrow then, as that means you're not wasting resources and you’re converting products that would otherwise go to waste.

B Nice try, yet all the cows with their methane are a major factor in global warming.

A That’s a lot of hot air. See, eating meat makes you funnier. There are no vegetarian comedians you know, that’s a fact. And Hitler was a vegetarian, which is interesting.

B That’s not interesting, it’s a coincidence. Apparently Pol Pot was a meat eater.

A I thought he was some tuppaware.

C runs on to the stage dragging a cod.

C I’m a vegetarian but I eat fish.

A&B You’re not a vegetarian then, fish don’t grow on trees. Go away.

C goes away.

B Stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before: ‘This beautiful creature must die, a death for no reason, and death for no reason is murder’.

A That’s not necessarily true, Morrissey was muddle-headed there, but how about this one. ‘Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye, four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie’. And then sautéed, baked and grilled. Then munched.

The argument goes on forever.

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10 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

SuzieMay 22nd 2009.

As a vegan I found this dialogue both offensive and time wasting.This could have been a great oppotunity for a real debate. I am removing myself from the mailing list.

AnonymousMay 22nd 2009.

Told you they were mad.

DigMay 22nd 2009.

Rather than your kneejerk reaction why don't you contribute and start a debate Suzie? By the way I had kneejerky in an American diner. Yummy!

Senior ServiceMay 22nd 2009.

I bet she supported the smoking ban in pubs too.Of course she never sets foot inside one now the ban is in place and killing the pubs off.

M. BasseyMay 22nd 2009.

Hitler wasn't a vegetarian but he was an anti-smoker, as you might expect with him being a Nazi.

GordoMay 22nd 2009.

Vegans are mentalists anyway. There you go, debate started....

George TrumperMay 22nd 2009.

Vegans are harmless though. I had a vegan Thai curry on Saturday and I have spent the entire bank holiday running out of rooms to break wind thunderously, or on the lavatory.

BoreasMay 22nd 2009.

Exactly! it's the Vegans that are causing the damage to the Ozone layer. Do they have Cheesy Wotsits? I only ask because some soaps have animal fats in them.

Frank BoughMay 22nd 2009.

It would be impossible for a vegan to stealthily go about some act of sedition or terrorism. They frequently trumpet their presence.

skelliMay 22nd 2009.

Do diabetic vegans realise they have consumed minute amounts of pig or rabbit everytime they inject with insulin from natural (non-allergenic) sources?

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