Waiting for Gordo

Yes:	- 49%
No:	- 51%

A country road. A tree. Evening.

A I don’t know how you can live without meat. It’s lush, juicy and bloody (geddit) good.

B Very funny. I don’t know how you can kill millions and millions of animals in all that blood and pain when there are alternatives to meat that are just as nutritious.

A I have a report from an eminent doctor which says that without meat in your diet, you are low in proteins and your brain doesn’t work so quickly.

B I have a report from an eminent doctor which says that without meat in our diets we are free of all the fat and salts that come with them, that we are mentally more agile.

A Yeah but you’re always tired and have low energy levels.

B What do you mean?

A Well you’re even following my statements all the time here.

B Well, here’s me leading. There are considerable benefits to being a vegetarian both in terms of physical well-being and morality too.

A So you’re a vegetarian on principle then?

B thinks about it.

B Principle, and also aesthetically. Meat in all its raw, visceral, gore makes me retch.

A What like ribs, loin, shoulder?

B Liver, kidneys, heart, tongue, brain, bone marrow....you suck the marrow from bones!

A Yum. Sweetmeats, sweetbreads, glands galore, cow heel, tripe, maw?

B You’re making me sick.

A I always think vegetarians are hippies, is that true? Of course I mean those who don’t have religious objections to meat-eating.

B I’m not a hippy. I suppose you could say that many vegetarians share a world view that would include sustainable economies, green politics, recycling and the like but that, by no means, is always the case.

Happy cows perform the joyous 'eat me' dance

A You should agree with sucking bone marrow then, as that means you're not wasting resources and you’re converting products that would otherwise go to waste.

B Nice try, yet all the cows with their methane are a major factor in global warming.

A That’s a lot of hot air. See, eating meat makes you funnier. There are no vegetarian comedians you know, that’s a fact. And Hitler was a vegetarian, which is interesting.

B That’s not interesting, it’s a coincidence. Apparently Pol Pot was a meat eater.

A I thought he was some tuppaware.

C runs on to the stage dragging a cod.

C I’m a vegetarian but I eat fish.

A&B You’re not a vegetarian then, fish don’t grow on trees. Go away.

C goes away.

B Stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before: ‘This beautiful creature must die, a death for no reason, and death for no reason is murder’.

A That’s not necessarily true, Morrissey was muddle-headed there, but how about this one. ‘Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye, four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie’. And then sautéed, baked and grilled. Then munched.