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A bit of a twit

Tory blogger Iain Dale compared Liverpool to Gaza this week. Worse, says Prof Chucklebutty, he had a go at the Adelphi

Written by . Published on September 28th 2011.

A bit of a twit

BY jove, Missus! It’s not often these days something gets my gander up, in fact my gander hasn’t been up since I caught myself on the crossbar of my bike going over that speed bump on Allerton Maze.

But as you know, it’s the Labour Conference week and they’ve all piled into Liverpool.

To be honest I’m not too happy with the conference anyway. They threw me out for daring to speak the truth. They said: “Did you sneak in through the back way, and have you been trying to sell these Beatles wigs to delegates?" And I said "Yes!" Next thing I know, two big coppers throw me onto the pavement. So much for Miliband supporting the small businessman! Margaret Beckett looked great in one as well, took years off her!

I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the sheets are taken away to be put into the new Museum of Liverpool. 'See that stain? That’s where Harold Wilson was knocking his pipe out in 1967'

But that’s not what got my gander up, ladies and gentlemen, oh, no. It’s the comments that have been made about our great city by some bloke off Emmerdale. I can’t remember which character he played, he may have been the first Dolly Skillbeck for all I know, or Dolly the Sheep, but now he goes by the name of Iain Dale and he’s in Liverpool publishing a conference diary on some daft blog he writes.

Iain Dale
Well I have just read his latest offering and my good lady wife had to stick on the false moustache and curly wig to tell me to calm down, calm down!

This man has not only maligned our International Vibrating City, as Lord Storey used to call it, (although he did have his office on top of the loop line from Moorfields) but he has attacked one of our greatest institutions: The Adelphi!

So yes, Missus, this Dale bloke, or whatever he is, he starts off his blog piece by leading the reader into a false sense of security. He writes: “Look, I’m going to be honest. So far, I have found Liverpool to be a ghastly city.”

What a cheek, how dare he? You can’t judge the whole city on the terrible sights that greet you at Mann Island. We all think the three black coffins are ghastly too, even worse than Grosvenor’s Wigan Technical College apartments just opposite. But Liverpool has much more to offer than those monstrosities.

24 Hours In Tunbridge Wells24 Hours In Tunbridge WellsTo be fair, he says the Albert Dock is lovely (even though you can’t see the Three Graces from it any more). But it goes downhill from there, I’m afraid.

Mr Dale, who lives in Royal Tunbridge Wells, suggests that whatever money the council had was blown on the city centre at the expense of the outskirts. What nonsense, get your facts right, mate: the Lib Dem council also ploughed a load of European Objective One money into the city centre at the expense of the outskirts.

Did he not see the tens of millions of pounds that have been put into the regeneration of Kensington when he drove in from the M62? Well neither has any other bugger, it's an ongoing mystery, that one. But again, he uses this unfortunate mess to damn our whole city!

But you know, Missus, I really don’t know if I should take the rest of what he says seriously. He writes: “The city looks about as welcoming as Gaza."

How Very Dare He
Gaza? Gaza isn't even from Liverpool, you fool! Unless he means all those blokes around Sefton Park lake, with fishing rods and a Kentucky bucket. I bet he didn’t even see our glorious parks, where, for a few years, they were the Cortina in The Lake, they are now transformed into the Emerald Green Jewels In Our Crown.

It’s true that the legacy of the Lib Dems, was, by their own leader's admission, to have left the city with war zones. Much like they will do nationally in coalition with the Tories. But the man’s obviously a blinkered twit. You go to any city and there are deprived areas. Manchester city centre always looks wonderful to me, but, blimey, go to some of the outskirts, and it would frighten the life out of you. And for that matter, have you travelled much around some of the London boroughs?

If you want to see squalid and ghastly mate, get down there.  Yes the more I think about it, the more I realise, he’s just having a dig for the sake of it, probably wants a backlash to get himself noticed. Worried in case people have forgotten who he was. Not worth bothering about….No wait a minute I nearly forgot about him having a go at the Adelphi! 

Now I can forgive and forget his stupidity over the other remarks, but the Adelphi has a place in all our hearts and I can’t take his nasty comments lying down, especially if it was in the Adelphi. (I remember some of those mattresses from the flies on the wall documentary “Just Cook It Will Ya”).

For your information Mr Dale, Harold Wilson, no less, slept on one of them mattresses, and Roy Roger’s Horse. (Not at the same time, Mary would never have stood for that…nor Lady Forkbender). They are part of our cultural heritage.

Harold Wilson At The Adelphi 
Laurel & Hardy stayed there during the Roach years – no, missus not that sort. Hal Roach! They may even have filmed there as well. You know all those scenes where the bed collapses? 

The place is full of culture…eh, stop that! I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the sheets are taken away to be put into the new Museum of Liverpool. "See that stain? That’s where Harold Wilson was knocking his pipe out in 1967."

The pettiness of the man! He even has a moan about the television sets in the bedrooms, he says they were manufactured in about 1976! Well what’s wrong with that? The BBC is still showing most of the programmes from 1976.

Happier TimesHappier Times“No internet connections,” he whinges. Of course there’s not. Pillock. It hadn’t been invented then.

Liverpool is a great city, with a magnificent history and with luck, a great future, if it’s anything to do with us. We’ve even just filled the vacancy for a new town crier, well we had to replace Mr Bradley with somebody. “Oh yay, oh yay, it weren’t me!” 

So, hear ye, hear ye! Especially you Mr Dale. This city has areas of outstanding beauty and culture, and has much to offer the visitor and you don’t have to look far for it, you just need to take off your blinkers for a second or two.

To quote my slogan when I failed to get the job as head of tourism: "Liverpool A World Class City – If you don’t like it, feck off."

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10 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Lord CharlesSeptember 28th 2011.

So, he remembers the Adelphi being a shit from a TV documentary years and then decided to go and stay there to make sure. What a frightful silly arse!

Ida DowneySeptember 28th 2011.

Yes, he even complained there were no gottles of geer in his mini gar.

Absinthe & TurksSeptember 28th 2011.

Who was this Dale character before he was a has-been? Was he in Midsomer Murders?

mrsmarsaSeptember 29th 2011.

What a git.

AnonymousSeptember 30th 2011.

Dale is an oleaginous low-life creep, who's so incompetent he couldn't even win a parliamentary seat in Norfolk, where even the sheep are painted blue. Before that, he ran a (failed) bookshop Politicos, which couldn't even sell political books to MPs/their researchers. An ovcerweight non-entity: like Boris Johnson without the tact or charisma.

AnonymousSeptember 30th 2011.

What a tit

Sue PermarketweepSeptember 30th 2011.

Can I just make it clear that this is not Dale Winton, who has been a regular welcome visitor to Liverpool since the 1930s.

1 Response: Reply To This...
GeorgemciverOctober 13th 2011.

Is Dale that old...my...my.....

Absinthe & TurksSeptember 30th 2011.

Does he come for the Orange marches? Or just a light tanning?

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