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The Big Interview: Jim Royle, prospective MP

Exclusive: The leading sitcom character has threatened to stand for Wavertree in the general election after being outraged by the Labour selection of a southerner. We ask the questions that matter

Published on November 1st 2010.


The Big Interview: Jim Royle, prospective MP

So Jim, what exactly is your problem with Luciana Berger standing for Labour in Wavertree? After all, only recently she spent a whole month in Liverpool.
Oh, yeh, staying in a room at that Jane Kennedy's place – very two-up, two-down I'm sure. She should have asked me and our Barb, we could have given her one upstairs.

I beg your pardon?
A bed for the night, you dirty ticket.

"There's nothing worse than having to sneak into a McDonald's when you're touching cloth"

But she has pledged to fight “on the issues which matter to all the people of Wavertree”.
Bloody HELL! How can she bloody relate to the people of this city when she doesn't bloody like football, she's not a bloody Catholic, and I bet she's never bloody even had a ciggie. She probably hates smokers, which means she probably hates three quarters of the bloody potential Labour vote.

So, you feel her background may not play well on the doorsteps?
Those middle-class London types don't understand us. Do you think Lucrezia bloody Borgia, or whatever her name is, ever supped in the Dockers Club? No chance; she'll drink them spitsers in poncey wine bars. Champagne bloody socialists the lot of them. I bet she thinks mild and bitter is a contradiction in terms.

Anyhow, she took a Liverpool knowledge quiz and only got one right. Says it all really.

Come on. Half the questions were about people who were famous 40 years ago.
So? I bet she doesn't know who Billy Butler is either, and there's nothing “40 years ago” about him.

What is your campaign slogan to win hearts and minds, not just in Wavertree, but in Westminister?
If the lady wants a baby, I'm the
cock o the north - haaaahhh haaah!

What issues will you fight the election on?
For starters, increasing Jobseekers for the people on the margins – it's a friggin' pittance and doesn't even cover a night in the alehouse. Opening of all the public bogs again — there's nothing worse than having to sneak into a McDonald's when you're touching cloth - and free Sky for over-52s.

How old are you, Jim?
Ey, ey, ey! Don't be doing that ageistism now.

What promise can you make to the people of the constituency?
I can guarantee that during my time in office I won't move from the seat.

What, not even to stick the kettle on?
Nah, our Antony always makes . . . eh? Not that seat, you cheeky get – I'm talking about Wavertree.

And finally Jim what do you think is the biggest asset you can offer to the people of Wavertree.
My arse!

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30 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

RamsbottomFebruary 8th 2010.

Eh up, Chucklebutty, didn’t tha mean ‘Kinglake’ ‘Ouse? On Kinglake Street? “Kingslake” be blowed!

Kenneth BranarrrrrrrrrggghhhFebruary 8th 2010.

Michael, as well as his many other talents, is a professional actor. The first post is the rehearsal then it's straight into opening night with the second post......................(Kenneth Branarrrrrrrrggghhh is currently starring as The Muppet Swedish Detective, Inspector Kurt A Ding A Doo, A Ding A Dursh A Dinga Doeer, Free Dor De Hum Schter Wall End Dork Dork Dork)

Charlotte StreetFebruary 8th 2010.

Didn't Ricky Tomlinson once admit to being seduced by the politics of the far right in his youth?I have no doubt that his sentiments are sincere, but perhaps they are too impetuous and emotional.As a genuine, life-long Liverpudlian who has lived their life on low wages watching the place decline, I think that we already have had too many embarrassing, loud-mouthed, 'professional scouse' comic characters obsessed with bonehead football and extinct pop music making us a national laughing stock.And that includes the Oldham Echo.

Simon CowellFebruary 8th 2010.

Cherie Blair unfortunately waded into this yesterday saying that people didn't mind where their MPs were from, it was star quality that they wanted. Is she right?

Paul CollinsFebruary 8th 2010.

Fantastic news. Good on yer Oboe Rick.

Mike NearyFebruary 8th 2010.

Ricky Tomlinson went to prison for his ideals and that is to be respected. Never the less, if this argument isn't handled correctly (by which of course I mean the way I think it should be handled!) Liverpool is in danger - once again - of being a national laughing stock.

Professor ChucklebuttyFebruary 8th 2010.

Wonderful stuff a MeArseterpiece.

EddFebruary 8th 2010.

I like Ricky, and agree with much of his politics.It's ironic, though, that he objects to an 'outside' candidate, when he knows the value of being a flying picket.I've met Ms Berger, and she comes across as extremely capable. I ave no doubt she will do well for this city.

Mr ShufflebottomFebruary 8th 2010.

Oh you ba****d! what dod you have to remind me of that for, 20 years I have been in therapy after that, I only came out of it before Christmas....oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh!

Mike NearyFebruary 8th 2010.

Ricky Tomlinson went to prison for his ideals and that is to be respected. Never the less, if this argument isn't handled correctly (by which of course I mean the way I think it should be handled!) Liverpool is in danger - once again - of being a national laughing stock.

Mike NearyFebruary 8th 2010.

Ricky Tomlinson is a real favourite of mine. However, I'm from Bootle and vividly remember many voters being incensed at the selection of Mancunian Alan Roberts byLabour. Alan Roberts very sadly dies from cancer at a very young age. My parents still live in Bootle and they and pretty much anyone you speak to agree that he was the best MP they ever had. Just a thought.

AnonymousFebruary 8th 2010.

If people get the politicians they deserve what on Earth have the poor benighted people of Wavertree done that might deserve this self-serving, unfunny, mouthy gobshite? Politics is about policy isn't it? Or is it a case of "I was a Celebrity get me in there"?

Mike NearyFebruary 8th 2010.

Thanks Glenda. I offered my services to the Echo to model in their swimwear section; still waiting for the call. Honestly - some people!

Rusty SpikeFebruary 8th 2010.

Erm....isn't "Ar, ay, our kid Ricky" from Blackpool?

Professor Chucklebottom..butty I meanFebruary 8th 2010.

Ramsbottom, you remind me of an incident some years back at the delightful Kingslake House DHSS as it was. (nothing to do with this) The place was packed tight with all human life and debatable lifeforms. Twitching men staring menacingly and a spread of those hardened thick armed mature women with voices like a claxon filled with gravel and the face of a gladiator.The PA system clicked on heralding the next person about to be called foward to the booths. This concentrated everybodies attention almost to a point of sudden silence. The voice on the PA requested "Mr Shufflebottom to box 3 please" As one the packed house roared with laughter in particular one of the Gladiator women's screaming mocking cackle rose above the rest. Nobody seemed to be coming forward. The Gladiator shouted roughly, "come 'ed Mr Shufflebottom, shuffle yer friggin bottom to box 3" Again nobody came forward. The PA system repeated the announcement twice and eventually a meek looking small and thin bearded man in a short white denim jacket finishing above the waist and a pair of skinny jeans a little too short rose and made his way to the box. As he passed the Gladiator, she shouted look he has got a shufflebottom as well and the cruel laughter rang out once again as Mr Shufflebottom entered the booth visibly shrinking. As the laughter echoed. Well as they say, there is always somebody worse off than yourself, although at the time, I doubt Mr Shufflebottom could think that possible. Apologies to any readers who have that fine name. I would also like to point out that I of course maintained a look of contempt for the mob who inflicted such indignity on the poor man. (ahem!)

Mike NearyFebruary 8th 2010.

Ricky Tomlinson is a real favourite of mine. However, I'm from Bootle and vividly remember many voters being incensed at the selection of Mancunian Alan Roberts byLabour. Alan Roberts very sadly dies from cancer at a very young age. My parents still live in Bootle and they and pretty much anyone you speak to agree that he was the best MP they ever had. Just a thought.

Liverpool voterFebruary 8th 2010.

So let's get this straight. Champagne-come-stout Socialist Ricky whatisname is upset coz a Scouser hasn't been chosen in what was a democratically watertight selection process. So he decides to stand, thereby possibly splitting the vote and paving the way for the people of Wavertree to be represented for the next five years by a Lib Dem, or wrose still a Tory. Jim Royle a true Socialist Man of the People My Effing A***. Grow up Ricky.

TUC CrackersFebruary 8th 2010.

Indeed ‘Ricky’ Tomlinson (a scouser would be called Richie) did go to prison for his beliefs, but as anyone here who has been active in a union and been on a picket, lobby or march will know it is remarkably easy to get arrested. Policemen assume you are a troublemaker from the off and get shirty and short-tempered about you standing or walking on a pavement you have stood and walked upon countless times before in a non-demonstrating capacity.

Ann RobinsonFebruary 8th 2010.

You are going to have to stop bashing that mouse so hard, Mike. Click G E N T L Y....

AnonymousFebruary 8th 2010.

Is Billy Butler still going?

Grant WisemanFebruary 8th 2010.

Just what we need on the brink of a Tory return, tokenistic, devisive sloganing from an intelligent, principled man who should know better. Does it matter where you are from? Isn't it about intentions, ideas, policies. Ricky Tomlinson went to prison for his principles and it would be both a shame and a sham to see someone who is starting out on their political career stymead by someone whose political career is at best in it's Autumn without proper reasoned argument. Rick - leave dirty tricks to the Lib Dems.

Glenda JacksonFebruary 8th 2010.

That Mike Neary should work for the Echo. See what I did there !

Krister HenrikssonFebruary 8th 2010.

Hej! Ignore Branagh - he's not the real one. They can't even pronounce 'Wallander' properly.

CC NewgatesFebruary 8th 2010.

Who, apart from Kilfoyle, comes from Liverpool? Stephen Twigg? Let us not forget up in Sefton, Bill Esterson has similarly been parachuted in but of these two men we hear not a dickie bird. Is it because this is a woman that the knives are out? I bet so.

Ivor BiggunFebruary 8th 2010.

That's about the size of it

AnonymousFebruary 8th 2010.

Lol! Ricky gets my vote with his £1 underpants. I am sick of these career politicians and Labour are so deluded that it's sick making

AhemFebruary 8th 2010.

So long as we can still laugh at ourselves, dear boy....

RamsbottomFebruary 8th 2010.

Eh up, Chucklebutty!Less of your cheek!

Mike NearyFebruary 8th 2010.

Thanks Glenda. I offered my services to the Echo to model in their swimwear section; still waiting for the call. Honestly - some people!

CC NewgatesFebruary 8th 2010.

In fact, why don't the Oldham Echo ring these two southern gentlemen up and ask them something completely irrelevant about a pop song from almost 50 years ago? Because they would be told to **** off, that's why.

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