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Teachers go back to school

Not entirely unexpected big thaw brings return to classrooms

Published on January 12th 2010.

Teachers go back to school

TEACHERS across the region have been counting the cost of too many late nights and latte days as an unexpected big thaw got under way yesterday and schools were forced to open for the first time this year.

While the nation's workforce eagerly gathered up PE kits packed a week ago and hurried their children out of the house before school governors changed their minds again, the Forum of Private Business estimated that companies could face a £1 billion bill, all down to parents being absent from work during the week-long Arctic chill of 2010.

However, last night teachers hit back, insisting that the figure was misleading: “Get your facts right, boy!” roared maths master Jeremy Kylie down the corridor of St Merchant Ivory Towers in Speke, when confronted by our reporter.

“That billion you are going on about. It's only a thousand million, not the million million that we used to call a billion in the old days, when life carried on as normal when it snowed.
“But keep 'em coming, sonny. Keep 'em coming.”

One history teacher (pictured), who did not wish to be named, said she was angry at suggestions by politicians that education professionals had used the snow as an excuse to extend their winter break. “Yeah, right. This is the old cliché about teachers enjoying long holidays, isn't it?” she yawned.

“Any teacher worth their salt - ha ha, funny - will inform you that it takes three hours to plan one lesson. That's what my new ski instructor told me, anyway.”

Meanwhile, behavioural experts warned that the sudden and unexpected return to work, following the extended Christmas holiday, might result in extra stress for teachers already physically weakened by a week's sledging on nearby Camp Hill, and those stranded for long afternoons in the city's suburban coffee shops and pubs.

When Confidential yesterday asked a group of primary school teachers in Keith's Wine Bar if they had any comment, we were told to “sit down and shut up”.

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13 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

PeddantJanuary 11th 2010.

A million is a thousand million. A million million is what children talk about when they are describing the age of their nan

That's Sir to youJanuary 11th 2010.

We will all be off again tomorrow I'll wager. Might put some shelves up

N. Cy KlopedierJanuary 11th 2010.

And er, how does Wikipedia spell 'pedant'?

Professor Chucklebutty. Isn't it.January 11th 2010.

I once had two Pillion passengers on the back of a motorbike; Blodwyn and Gravell although Blodwyn probably fell off coming down a dirt track in Pen Y Gros but we didn't notice until we got back into Llanberris. I don't know if that means the Welsh Pillion is worth more then the English one, but I tell you one thing, Gravell was well worth the six Babychams and the bag of peanuts. By Jove yes. Pity she was gone next morning when I woke up. Just as well, as there must have been an intruder during the night who made off with my wallet, the radio cassette and me motorbike.

T LeahyJanuary 11th 2010.

As every other worker in the country has been forced to dip into their own holiday allowances in order to stay off work and look after children, I agree

Phil McCrackenJanuary 11th 2010.

Can we not give them detention?

Teachers' PetJanuary 11th 2010.

Simple remedy. If schools close because of the bad weather, they should be forced to add extra school days by shortening half-ter, Easter or Summer Holidays to make up for the shortfall.

Mens sana in corpore sanoJanuary 11th 2010.

Now that's what I call a rant!

MathemagicianJanuary 11th 2010.

I can make number 2's appear and disappear just like that. For the record a British billion is one thousand millions (the same as everywhere else) and a trillion is one million millions.

bankerJanuary 11th 2010.

A million is a thousand thousands, a million is a thousand million a british billion is a million million and a trillion is three million

PeddantJanuary 11th 2010.

The British and the rest of the world have adopted the American version of the billion, a thousand million. It says so in Wikipedia so it must be true.

To Mr ChipsJanuary 11th 2010.

Do you mean this one?

DigJanuary 11th 2010.

A million is a thousand million? I'm no mathematician but I would have guessed a million is a million. I've just checked on my abacus and I'm correct.

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