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Roger, over and out

Special outside broadcast from the Mathew St Festival.....

Published on September 9th 2010.


Roger, over and out

(Sounds of crowds, Sweet Home Alabama, violent retching and screeching of bus brakes in background....)

Radio Roger: Hello and welcome to the Radio Roger outside broadcast from the world famous Mathew Street festival. You find me here in the place where it all began, soaking up the sights and sounds of what promises to be a fantastic day. If I may just stop you, Madam, I’m Radio Roger from BBC Radio Rogerside, do you have a moment?

Lady: I know who you are Roger, I recognise your beard. You should lift it out of that puddle Roger...I don’t think it's rainwater.

Radio Roger: Oh dear. So Madam, how have you found the festival today?

Lady: Well Roger, I am so proud to be scouse today, it makes you proud of this great city of Liverpool, it really does. I was only saying as I came over on the ferry this morning...

RR: On the ferry?

Lady: Yes Radio, the ferry.

RR: You don’t live here?

Lady: You're jokin aren't you! Of course not! We moved to West Kirkby in the eighties... round about the time Alan Bleasdale became mayor.

RR: Bleasdale didn’t become mayor!

Lady: I think you’ll find that he did Roger.

RR:Moving swiftly on, as we wander down Mathew Street, I can see some revellers here... Hello Sir, would you like to say hello to the listeners?

Interviewee: You should be ashamed of yourself dragging this city down every day with those people on your phone-in! You make this city sound like a cess pool! Ringing in stoned on drugs, rambling about all kinds of rubbish!

RR: Excuse me?

Interviewee: Drugs and trackies and name dropping.

RR: Oh no! Sorry Sir, that’s not me, that’s Pete Price. I’m Radio Roger, from Radio Rogerside.

Interviewee: Oh sorry mate! Should have recognised the beard. Er, that's not rainwater by the way.

RR:That's terrific. What would you like to say?

Interviewee: Well Radio Roger... it’s about these wheelie bins, We haven’t got room for them all in my entry. I rung that Liverpool Direct...

RR: I am afraid we aren’t talking about the bins today, Sir, we are talking about the festival.

Interviewee: Ahhh, gotcha loud and clear Radio Roger (taps side of nose). Anyroad, the way I see it, at the end of the day, is it was a massive waste of money. And the way they have let it stay empty all these years is a disgrace. I blame Derek Heseltine.

RR: Not the garden festival! The Mathew Street festival.

Reveller: What's that then?

RR: Moving further into the crowd I can see some lovely tasteful outfits here... in the shop windows, and there is some interesting food on show, on the floor: Sweetcorn and carrot, must be pavement art. Better be careful not to slip in that... Aaahhhh! (thud and microphone feedback squeal). Ahem, now then, there is my old friend Councillor Barry Bodgeit! Councillor Bodgeit... come and say hello.

Bodgeit: Hello Radio Roger.

RR: Hello Councillor.

Bodgeit: Call me Barry.

RR: Barry, you must pleased with the planning that’s gone into today.

Bodgeit: I am, Radio Roger... I’d love to know who’s done it.

RR: Eh?

Bodgeit: Well it is impressive! It can’t have been us can it?

RR: Right, well thanks Barry.

Bodgeit: Is that a hot dog in your beard?

Radio Roger: Yeah... thanks Barry...Well as I stand outside the famous Grapes pub listening to Fleetwood Mack, I can only be proud of what I’ve seen here today, a city letting its hair down... and having its mate hold it back out of its face. I’m off to find David Knopov and the loose women. This is Radio Roger, from Radio Rogerside signing off...

Male passer-by: Arrr eyyy, it's Radio Roger! I don't half love yer mate. Can I say hiya? When are you gonna sort these bins...

(Airwaves filled with white noise.....)

6 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

that'smrbollockstoyouAugust 31st 2010.

Went with the bro' and the good woman on Monday to the MSF and had a great time. Granted there's more than the fair share of unhip fat baldies in old Reds and Blues away kits (and that's just the women) who obviously don't get out enough, can't take their ale and should have abandoned the mosh pit 25 years ago, but it's never been a day for the style police who should have learned to stay at home. And if you got your timings and selections right there were some ace cover bands on this year. And the sun came out for a change.

WappingAugust 31st 2010.

Editorial, you do know we'll all (meaning the Liverpolistas) be living in Warrington soon when the Royal Mail closes the Liverpool postcode place don't you? Y'all raaht?

EditorialAugust 31st 2010.

Agree, Wapping. Our Manchester office is filled with folks who can't get enough of MSF and make pilgrimages with their mates every year. Butties, flask and a picnic blanket! Mind you, they do live in Warrington.

WappingAugust 31st 2010.

I don't know who counted them, or how, but apparently we had 320,000 visitors over the weekend. I agree the streets can get quite gruesome, especially musically, but it does us no real harm. There are a lot of Northern cities who'd love to have hundreds of thousands of foreign tourists arrive all at once and happily pay to clean up afterwards. All the visitors I spoke to (about 5 or 6) had been before and loved the stuff we'd hate. For those who are revolted by the whole thing, would you have been going into town over the Bank holiday? I doubt it.

LindaAugust 31st 2010.

I have trouble with wheelie bins in my entry too. All the loose women do, although some are looser than others. However, there is a special surgical procedure. Tune in after 10pm tonight to find out more! xxx

Stockton HeathAugust 31st 2010.

And 'pea wet' stains on the envelopes?

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