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Nottingham cancels Chucklebutty

So what has the other Professor of mirth got to say about it? A 3am special arrives in the inbox (missus)

Published on May 11th 2009.

Nottingham cancels Chucklebutty

BY Jove Missus, it’s going to be a bleak mid winter in Sherwood Forest this year!

I think the Merry Men have signed the pledge, which makes a change from drinking it.

They’ve cancelled my Christmas show in Nottingham! Yes it’s true; didn’t you see the bit in the Guardial? It said: “Comedian and professor Yaffle Chucklebutty has been forced to abandon his pans to hold his annual Christmas Shoe at Nottingham’s Royal Concert Hole after the venue refused to accept the booking because his performance last year was deemed unfunny.”

Unfunny, by jove! After all this time. Fifty-five years of sell out shows and never once having to pay the Diddy Men.

Nottingham's where I started out, my first big break. Twenty-seven years old I was. I walked on stage with a 12ft length of sausage down me trousers and invited the ladies in the audience to educate me in the ways of Notting ‘em.

Yes I’ve had links going back there ever since.

They said that last year people walked out before the end. Have you seen my end missus? Do you know how long I can keep going for, by jove?

You can’t expect everybody to live through it. It says on the posters to put all your affairs in order before you come.

The thing is, by jove, I am the last of the true variety performers. I won’t be around forever you know, it just seems like it on the night.

People want variety. Those who have been before usually bring a box of them for breakfast.

Yes, Madam. Good wholesome entertainment in the music hall tradition. A true star of the stage and the airwaves - a legend - not a panel-hopping, interchangeable, comedy quiz format, Oxbridge, foul mouthed, middle class oaf trying to be a cockney. No missus I am Tattyfilarious not Tattyphiljupitus.

So what are they going to replace me with? Some young upstarts? Tarbuck perhaps? The funniest golfer in the business, he should take up comedy professionally. They’ll probably replace me with a boy band.

A boy band? I started boy bands! I was nearly the fifth Beatle, it was only my hairstyle that stopped me, that and Lennon refusing to sing “Where’s Me Shirt?”.

They didn’t mind stealing and changing the lyrics to my other songs though. “Good Day Jambutty Mine”, “Hey, You've Got to Hide Your Cash Away”, and my masterpiece, “Stay Nude”, with the chorus “Nah nah nah nicky knocky noo – nicky knocky noo – stay nude.”

The Beatles would have got nowhere without me. Nobody was playing their records, no, by jove, not until I introduced them to Jacob Epstein. He carved the little hole in the middle so they could get them on the turntable and then everyone was happy.

And that’s what it’s all about, ladies and gentlemen. Happiness! That’s what I’d hoped to bring to Nottingham this Christmas, doing what I love to do – make people laugh – and to still hear the laughter.

And I've never failed to get the crowd laughing. Well only once. Thirty years ago today I accepted a special request to do a one man show in Germany. Bit of a misunderstanding, the show was in Spandau Prison for Rudolf Hess. He was the one man. Not a titter from him all night. Not even when I improvised and sang Happy Hess.

I might have slowed down a bit, but I can still fill theatres. It’s over fifty years since I got my big break in Nottingham, and now they have given me another one. They have taken the “difficult decision to give me and this long running much loved show a break in 2009”

So from big break to heart break. Concerned about the quality of my performance, says a spokesman. There's pills for stuff like that these days, young man, but if I talk about it we'll all end up in the spam folder.

I usually finish on Happiness, but just this once, we’ll do Tears for Souvenirs.

It's bad enough that I still haven't got a knighthood. And while you're at it one for Sir Cilla Black as well, he’s older than me.

Happy Christmas Nottingham! Tattybye.

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7 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

X. HaustedchucklemusclesMay 11th 2009.

It is well known that people leave Ken Dodd's shows before he finishes because he can and will go on all night whereas they have buses and trains to catch.

MattMay 11th 2009.

What's Ken Dodd got to do with it? We are talking about the Professor!

PortofinoMay 11th 2009.

Who, the Prof? Well yes!

Red FoxMay 11th 2009.

We probably won't see the likes of Ken Dodd again in our lifetimes. I'm from Nottingham (now live in Liverpool) and my gran wrote to him and told him of my birthday aged 8. He read out my name and wished me happy birthday I couldn't believe it. Would it happen today? And does it matter?

AnonymousMay 11th 2009.

Well...have to say Ken is pretty great, but he has built this reputation for the length of his shows, and feels he has to live up to expectations, but the reality is that a lot of it is padding, when he is on he is very quick witted and very funny.I wish he would just accept that people really do want to see him, and not this slightly cringing variety show that he feels he needs to put on. I'm in my 40's and would like to see Ken perform again, but won't while I think he feels he has to churn out these 'shows'

diddy falariousMay 11th 2009.

why dont we find him offensive? He doesnt swear or use sexual or anatomical words but his act is every bit as smutty, racist and degrading to women and disabled people as foul mouthed Chubby Brown.Dodd is a disgusting anachronism who deserves to be shunned.Apart from his conveniently forgotten criminality (massive tax fraud), this man was a Tory when Liverpool was about to go up in flames - where was he then?Ignore him and he will fade away like his corny comedy routine.

liz laceyMay 11th 2009.

Nottingham has just given ChuckleDoddy another ten year'sworth of material..free. The man is a genius.

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