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Mersey had a little lamb....

....we wouldn’t let him go. Well sort of, cos we're getting a replacement one, you know. Liverpool's articulated laureate, Reggie McCough, pens a celebratory ode

Published on February 8th 2009.

Mersey had a little lamb....

No longer for the chop

Not so very long ago
a strange new creature went on show
It landed on a city street,
half was fruit and half was meat.
A sculptured dinner from Japan,
unless you’re vegetarian.
Or have a fruit based allergy
then you’d want something else for tea

A banana tail, a wee lamb's head,
"What’s it mean?" The people said
They simply couldn’t fathom it,
And opinion on the banana split.
In bright and shining yellow gloss,
for a long time no one gave a toss
It popped up here, it popped up there
it changed it’s colour, they didn’t care

A little tear, an unheard bleat
Left alone on Tithebarn Street.
“Why don’t you want me?” He would beg,
“Why do drunks pee up my leg?
I know I’m odd, a bit surreal
but at least my bottom has a peel
A lonely lamb that folk would mock,
if only someone gave a flock.

But his home would soon reverberate
with panic around 2008.
Though only fibreglass and plaster
even he could sense disaster.
Millions of pounds being thrown away
and not much left for opening day.
Fat cats paid off on departure,
Henshaw, Harborow, Robyn Archer.

Ego seemed to rule the day
Washed down with grand cru chardonnay
A chance to change our reputation
With anti-scousers round the nation
The 08 banners all unfurled,
to show the city to the world
But the infighting just wouldn’t stop
And the year seemed destined for a flop.

Until one day a bright idea,
Changed the spirit of the year
Who’d have guessed such power to charm as
Going Superlambananas!
A brilliant scheme, whoever said it
(Phil Redmond probably takes the credit)
But the little lamb that was astray
Did more than him to save the day.

So what if we were deep in hock
The little lamb now had a flock
No longer left alone to weep
But alas we hadn’t paid Bo Peep.
The artist’s agent called to say
If you want to keep it, you’ll have to pay
It was just on loan and you’ve no right
To keep it for another night.

There was no choice, no legal grounds
Unless we paid a million pounds
The sunshine turned to stormy weather
We hadn’t two hapennies to rub together.
Once again we seemed intent
To self inflict embarrassment
And then ill feeling began to fester
A “threat” to move it to Manchester!

To go on show outside Granada
Or in Betty Turpin’s Hot Pot larder
The thought of this was too much strain
And so there was a great campaign.
The little lamb who once was reviled
Had now become our sacred child
The Daily Post kicked up a fuss
The Lambanana stays with us!

Warren Bradley went on the news
To give is all his views on ewes
But a photo of him and the lamb that day
Brought calls from the RSPCA
Concerned at what appeared to be
A level of indecency
A ridiculous claim but let’s not tangle
Our leader was just at a funny angle.

And now the news we’ve waited for
Our lamb is under threat no more
The hero of our culture year
Has been secured, he’s staying here
So welcome visitors from every nation
By placing him at Lime Street Station
A sight to feast your eyes upon
Now Henry Bohn Books is gone.

So the Liver Bird will proudly stand
Along with our new city brand
A mutant lamb and an extinct bird
The combination sounds absurd.
But if you saw the price of lamb todayYou’ll know there’s a hundred grand to pay
But as is known in every house
You need some lamb for proper scouse.

Reggie McCough, 2009

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17 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Tricky WooFebruary 5th 2009.

Come on Puddler, can you write me a poem? Can you be funny and clever? Come on big boy, you know you want to....

Liverpool wagFebruary 5th 2009.

Blakes did that last year, soup, a lamb dish and a banana dish. A few other places have tried that sort of thing too. Keep thinking though, Dig.

DigFebruary 5th 2009.

Some Mancunian friends are embarrassed by the anti-Liverpool brigade on here. Leave them to it. Let them show the world how ignorant and blatantly stupid they are. Let them try to wind us up. It amuses a lot.

EditorialFebruary 5th 2009.

Away from a small minority on the football front there is very little deep seated Liverpool/Manchester hatred. Friendly mickey-taking by both sides, but that's mainly all. That's why we'll be removing these bile-filled and frankly pointless postings from our lone Liverpool baiter from now on. So please report any that you see and the magic delete key will come into play.

bazzaFebruary 5th 2009.

What are the origins of the feckless whingeing scouser?Why here? Why arent brummies seen so negatively? who is responsible for the nation's view that scousers are untrustworthy communistic thieves?

DigFebruary 5th 2009.

I think Liverpool restaurants & or cafes could be missing a food marketing dish masterstroke here. I challenge somebody to come up with a dish with lamb and banana as the staple ingredients and a catchy name to match. Souperlambandbanana or something like that? You get the idea.

Lord StreetFebruary 5th 2009.

Puddler, you bell-end, surely you remember the state it got in when for a period it was put in Williamson Square where you and your fellow simian imbeciles, having swilled your WKD and Bacardi Breezer , scratched your illegible initials on it and daubed it with felt tip markers.

puddler44February 5th 2009.

This is such a pathetic symbol of Liverpool that no one has even been bothered to steal it, burn it, or try to smash it down. Even the usual underclass scum of liverpool cant be bothered to waste energy defacing this useless artefact.

Lord StreetFebruary 5th 2009.

Grow up! You're more likely to be murdered there than I am here!

Mr PointFebruary 5th 2009.

The odd thing about all this 'Manchester is better and scousers are all scum' rants and the hatred being expressed by one or a couple of misguided sad individuals, is that having been born and lived in Liverpool all my life, I don't know anyone who hates the "Mancs" I also happen to think, along with many friends, that Manchester is a fine city with wonderful architecture and new developments that have some merit and relate to the humans who inhabit them, assuming they don't stand empty like many of our developments. apart from the ugly Beetham Tower or whatever it is. I also find that most of the people I know or have met from Manchester are warm, friendly, have a great sense of humour and sometimes a mischievous line in "scousers" but delivered in good humour. I have met politicians who on the whole are more genuine and intelligent than the lot we have here and generally I enjoy it every time I visit. There are of course the morons from Manchester and Liverpool who utilise and are used by the manufactured football rivalries which become nasty and violent and stupid, particularly when using either Munich or Hillsborough, but they truly are morons and are so thick that they jump about with excitement to support multi million pound businesses who both regard their supporters at best as cattle. It is also interesting that the rants here trying to cause offence with hackneyed old stereotypes, show no wit or imagination, unlike the responses from the "thick scouse scum".so come on know either go to some evening classes to improve your skills or find something original or intelligent to say. You are letting your majestic city and it's people down.

DigFebruary 5th 2009.

Manchester is a great city. It's a shame there's so much jealousy and hatred. Together we could and should rival the south east. Unfortunately we stand apart. The hatred and bitterness is embarrassing.

saggybombFebruary 5th 2009.

Just remember that it was Manchester and not Liverpool that bore the brunt of the economic decline of the Thatcher years.No manc worth his salt would winge and moan like most scousers do though.

DigFebruary 5th 2009.

I missed all of those! Surely a successful dish would stand the test of time and not be discontinued. There must be somebody somewhere that could come up with something successful. Something to give Scouse a challenge as our regional dish.

liz laceyFebruary 5th 2009.

And now we have Barack ObamaWe should have a BaracklambananaSupreme stuff,McCoughdrop.

puddler44February 5th 2009.

abuse, abuse abuse, it is all scousers understand. violence,aggression and mindless intimidation.go to manchester if you want civilized life you wont get any from the murdering thugs in liverpool

The cheque's in the postFebruary 5th 2009.


Ducky DazeFebruary 5th 2009.

"No longer for the chop" could also refer to Councillor Bradley

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