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If you don’t like this, you can go to hell

The Grouch takes on Al Fayed’s dodgy erection

Published on April 4th 2011.

If you don’t like this, you can go to hell

When I read it on Friday, I thought it was an April Fool.

Mohammed Al Fayed has unveiled a statue of Michael Jackson outside Fulham’s ground. No, can’t be real.

But bugger me, he only went and did it. Someone mental actually unveiled a statue of someone mental.

Perhaps statue is overstating it. It actually looked like a giant Star Wars figure. Luke Moonwalker. Like something from a Toys-R-Us promotion.

Quite a few fans will feel Jackson is a questionable choice of subject – dogged by distasteful allegations and court cases regarding his private life during much of his career – if not for the fact that he only ever went to one game, and probably had absolutely no idea what was going on.

It was confusing as much for its total lack of relevance as for any concerns about Jackson’s other travails.

More galling, however, was Al Fayed’s reaction when the suitability of the statue was put to him by the media.

“Football fans will love it,” he said, defying almost all forms of logic. “If some stupid fans don’t like it, they can go to hell.”

“I don't want them to be fans. If they don't understand and don't believe in things I believe in they can go to Chelsea, they can go to anywhere else," he added.

Charming. If Fulham fans were under the impression Al Fayed is treating their football club as anything other than an expensive toy, that should pretty much knock those doubts out of the park.

“We’re a laughing stock, aren’t we?” pondered one fan on BBC’s Match of the Day. No, you’re not. But your chairman is.

Maybe Abu Dhabi United should look at something similar at Eastlands – perhaps an effigy of former chairman Thaksin Shinawatra in a prison outfit? Or a MASSIVE statue of Curly Watts.

The Glazers could do the same outside the Theatre of Dreams; how about a huge bust of the Chilean miner who had to choose between his wife and his mistress when he emerged from his underground ordeal? He’s been to Old Trafford as many times as Jackson went to Craven Cottage. Or a big statue of Madonna because she once saw United on TV for two seconds before she turned over.

Fulham Football Club is Al Fayed’s vanity project, and now he’s decided to foist an inappropriate statue on the fans for reasons best known to himself.

As you watch the video footage of the chairman dancing next to the statue, it’s hard to decide which one looks the most ridiculous. The only saving grace is that the fans will be there longer than he is, and much longer than a rubbish cartoon statue.

But if there ever was an instance of a football chairman caring less for his fans than this, let us know. Oh and also let us know what suggestions you might have for inappropriate statues outside Anfield and Goodison Park.

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7 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Prof. Al-ChucklebuttyApril 5th 2011.

Is it true that Delia Smith recently unveiled her own bust on the Norwich City Terraces? Or was it Bristols?

West Ham Utd is keen to also have a statue of Michael Jackson and one of his famous pets. I'm not sure which one they mean or what the connection is.

Prof. Al-ChucklebuttyApril 5th 2011.

Everton FC was going to put up a statue in honour of a well-known local supporter and ex leader of the city council. Unfortunately they cannot find a slab of granite thick enough.

Mr. Al-MurrayApril 5th 2011.

Statues of paedophiles now?

So when can we expect statues of Gary Glitter and Jonathan King?

True DatApril 5th 2011.

Mr Al-Murray Just to let you know that no one everr presented any evidence agains Michael Jackson, the FBI bugged his phone for years and came up with nothing incriminating. Also note that the father who made the accusation was after the money and MJ's insurance paid up out of fearand to stop the proceedings . All subsequent investigations including later interviews with alleged victim cleared him. But why let the facts speak when the fiction is so much more salacious?

Mr. Al-MurrayApril 5th 2011.

And O.J. Simpson is innocent of murder!

The moon is made of green cheese!

Very rich Americans are ALWAYS innocent according to the law"

Fairground AttractionApril 5th 2011.

At least passers by can play hoop-la over the statue's right arm.

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