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Childe of Hale shocker

Brussels tells village that grave of lanky lad must be altered

Published on April 1st 2009.

Childe of Hale shocker

NOT content with banning straight bananas, barmy Eurocrats have told a Merseyside church to catch up with the 21st century - by going metric.

Since the 1600s, the churchyard at Hale Parish Church, has been the resting place of the village’s most famous son, John Middleton.

His tomb, a local tourist attraction, contains the legend that John, known as the Childe of Hale, grew to a height of nine feet three inches.

Now interfering European officials have ordered the church to change the historic grave so the height will have to read: 2 metres 81.9 centimetres.

The EU cites Article 0104, paragraphs (a) (d) and (f) of the European Commission Standardisation of Metrication Regulations, approved in 2005.A letter, explaining the requirements, has been sent to the Parish Church Council at Hale from the Brussels office of the EU’s Metrication Enforcement Bureau.

It warns the church to remedy the situation or face the EU commissioning the changes and invoicing the church authorities.

The letter states: “Although Article 0104 was sanctioned by the Commission in June 2005, we have allowed parties affected to implement the changes in a gradual way to avoid any inconveniences. However it is important the changes to the stated areas are now implemented to ensure compliance with the Metrication Regulations.”

The letter states the church will be allowed to carry a plaque, containing the original wording on the grave, providing the gravestone is amended to show the metric dimensions.

The vicar and church council have yet to comment on this issue, but one irate villager commented: “This is an outrage and the whole village will be up in arms over this. We should march on Brussels to defend the memory of John Middleton.“We should show them what we are made of in the village by getting the village store to sell everything in pounds and ounces.”

John Middleton became a legend in his lifetime and news of his great height and strength reached King James 1, who invited him to London for a combat with the monarch’s personal bodyguard.

A lifesize painting of The Childe is on display at Speke Hall. Police are still looking for the thieves.

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LouiseApril 1st 2009.

April Fool!!! Almost had me!!!

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