Bling your lady parts

VALENTINE'S Day, the day we all love to hate. OK, not all of us. There are the rare few diehard romantics who rush out and buy the red roses and Champagne. I saw one on the way to work this morning, a dozen plastic-wrapped red roses in his hand, and thought gross.

According to UrbanDictionary.com, vajazzle means to give the female bits a sparkly makeover so as to enhance their appearance. So yes, it’s when girls have their lady parts blinged.

Now, don’t get me wrong - I do believe that Valentine’s Day deserves a nod. I sent those childish Valentine’s cards to all my girlfriends (gays included) this year. I also gave my fiancé a spank on the bum as I walked out the door and said ‘happy Valentine’s Day’. And then there was my little adventure in darkest Lancs on Friday.

While I think an expensive, forced dinner and a heart-shaped box of chocolates is clichéd on Valentine's Day, I do believe a little creativity is a welcome change - hater of all things red and heart-shaped or not. This year, I decided to move beyond the I’ll-love-you-forever-and-ever-and-always-be-true greeting card and give myself - or at least part of myself - a little makeover in the name of this day of love. A quest, if you will, to give new meaning to the words ‘V Day’.

So Friday afternoon, I packed up early and headed to the Rock shopping centre in Bury to visit The Beauty Spa and be vajazzled. I can imagine the look of confusion and intrigue on all of your faces now. First, let me clear up the confusion: according to UrbanDictionary.com, vajazzle means to give the female bits a sparkly makeover so as to enhance their appearance. So yes, it’s when girls have their lady parts blinged.

Not really knowing what I was in for, I went in with an open mind and it turns out I was pleasantly surprised. The spa was very pink and felt a bit sparkly itself. After being shown back to a private treatment room, I was given a number of designs to choose from. And there were also a variety of crystals from which I could choose to be vajazzled with: girly pinks, vampish reds, clear (or diamond-coloured as I like to refer to them) and even a sheet of black crystals for the ‘bad’ girls. Designs ranged from flowers to the playboy bunny to a suggestive arrow, and my vajazzler even offered to create my own design.

I opted for my Valentine’s initials and the design turned out very sweet. Something we would do as teenagers, branding ourselves with our significant other’s name. While I expected it to be a little naughty, it was actually more ‘Legally Blonde’ than ‘Striptease’. Prices start at £8 depending on the size and I was told they last for a couple of days… which, as it turns out, wasn’t true. Less than twelve hours later all the crystals had fallen off. However, for £40 you can get a manicure, pedicure and be vajazzled for Valentine’s day (or whenever for that matter), which seems like a pretty good deal, and you’ll still have something to show for it in three days time.

The beauty stunt was good for a laugh at home… and at brunch yesterday when my fiancé found one of those pesky crystals stuck to the bottom of his foot inside his sock and shoe. We had a bit of a laugh enjoying the utter nonsense of it all, which by the way, turned out to be the best Valentine’s Day present of all.

The Beauty Spa at The Rock Shopping Centre11 St. John’s GardensBury BL9 ONN.

www.thebeautyspaltd.co.uk