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LIVERPOOL has long been the home of choice for immigrants, students, ne’er do wells and people from Northampton.
We tell you nothing new.
But, occasionally, Liverpool Confidential feels the need to exclusively reveal that there is a genuine royal bloodline residing here too.
The city, more specifically Smithdown Road, remains the home of several generations of the exiled royal family of Ruritania whose members fled the troubled country during the revolution of 1879.
Most of you won’t be aware of that at all, especially those of you who obsess under the misapprehension that WAGs, footballers and the stars of the tubular box Hollyoaks are the glitterati..
Unlike other minor courts, members of the Ruritanian house of Harpiku did not leave their wealth or lifestyle behind. Their opulent and somewhat questionable excesses travelled with them across the Balkans, as did 140 noblemen, women and servants.
Down the years, its members and their descendents have gathered sporadically to celebrate the old country with gigantic balls. These events were inspired "only by reality" and Harpik is very disparaging of "copyists" who ran Viennese balls under the Capital of Culture banner in 2008, where people wore dinner jackets.
We asked for a statement after suddenly wondering what the hell they were up to and got this:
"From the Imperial Ruritanian Bureau of Information, a response has been issued to Liverpool Confidential's request for the Story of the Crown Prince's Balls:
"It has come to our attention that a minor provincial plutocracy masterminded by a coterie of corrupt self-serving lunatics has transgressed the bounds of decency by giving (in the recent year of 2008) a 'Ball'. This farcical entertainment, supposed to be Viennese in conception but in reality a parade of beige doltishness, was considered by all the exiled Ruritanian elite to represent a travesty of the Mittel European style.
"The Crown Prince of Ruritania, living in the unsafe seat of Riverside for the duration of political turmoil in his Homeland (but missing dearly the iron beauty of the Ruritanian Mountains!) has suffered the pain of witnessing inflated buffoonery for too long.
"It therefore brings His Majesty to a state of deep joy that we may announce to the Liverpolitan World the forthcoming:
Grand State Ball
17th December, 2011. Victoria Gallery and Museum,
Brownlow Hill. 7pm prompt.
"This is to be held at a venue of great elegance from the belle epoche.
"It will feature a hearty welcome with Mittel European food and a live orchestra playing waltzes, marches and popular tunes for the edification of the grateful masses. Five-a-side gargling, sausage matching and other entertainments to be revealed."
All of which is a long way of saying that the legendary Arthur "Count Von Essen" Black and his cohorts are staging another Grand State Ruritanian Christmas Ball that wil be uttlerly fabulous. We attended the one at at the end of 1999 and it was the talk of the town, oohh, well into the next century.
To buy tickets (£26) email them or visit here and do it the long winded way.
Go with ze open mind, ze open wallet and ze open...
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19 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.
The Crown Prince is plainly addled. The fabric 'denim' is for the trousers of plumbers and wild west cowboys.
Oops a typing error. I have had my secretary shot. Please delete
I am appalled
The Crown Prince is plainly addled. The fabric 'denim' is for the trousers of plumbers and wild west cowboys.
anyone wishing to purchase a Tiara from the fair hand of the master tiara maker from the Alternative Miss Liverpool contactme! asap!
Anyone wishing to purchase a spherical bomb with a smoking fuse and the word 'BOMB' painted on it to hurl at the tyrant Harpik should contact me.
LOL!
Will His Majesty be wearing his famous 'tracky' and fashion plimsolls?
Oh dear....
Yes - he iss truly 'king of ze road' like ein tramp! Yes? Is very funny yes? Who says we chermans heff no sense of humour?
Just to say this comment appears to have been allowed!
I take it Strengel that you and His Royal Highness have had a bit of a do?
Seems I've been let back in...
Let the tadpoles mate & be merry and the whole happy willage be landlocked
ARCHBISHOP NICKELASSIOS
Blessed be the friendly people of the godly city of Liverpool...
word has it that Baron Von Strengle is NOT attending the ball!!!!
Has he taken the huff? And can you sort me out a frock "Anonymous".
i have 2 dresses here depending on your size madame? x
Calumny! That cur Harpik!